


And Lotuses Will Bloom, Again

by TheFairieQueen



Series: Yulma Week 2018 [5]
Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Non-Binary!Alma, Post-Canon, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-11
Updated: 2018-05-11
Packaged: 2019-05-05 04:46:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14609637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheFairieQueen/pseuds/TheFairieQueen
Summary: They were just dreams - at least, that was what Kanda would try to tell himself.  But images of a woman and young boy keep him awake at night, with lotuses trailing behind them.  It’s not until he gets dragged to Mater that Kanda might find peace after all...  (Reincarnation AU)





	And Lotuses Will Bloom, Again

**Author's Note:**

> Day 5 of Yulma Week 2018: Myosotis - Undying love, Connection, Memories.
> 
> This is what I like to think may happen, one day in the future, maybe if not all of Alma’s soul was crushed by that dark matter.

* * *

_  
Away. They were walking away. A woman holding hands with a young boy.  
  
_ ‘No,’ _He wanted to say, those the words were lodged in his throat, choking his voice up with repressed tears._ ‘No, please don’t go-‘  
  
_But, they didn’t stop. He couldn’t speak, and they just kept walking away. Behind the woman and boy, a trail of lotus flowers were left – their scent sweet and hauntingly fragrant.  
  
It was so silent where they were, and yet he couldn’t say anything to stop them from leaving-  
  
“I love you, Yuu.”  
  
Their words were all that were heard, before they finally sank deep into the mud.  
_  


* * *

  
  
Kanda’s eyes shot open, and he sat up quickly, gasping for air. His lungs burned, straining for oxygen as though they had been clogged with sand. Sweat clung to his skin, as his bangs stuck to his face.  
  
Despite this, he felt cold.  
  
Kanda cursed. He tried to gather himself, but he felt annoyingly shaky – as he did every time this happened.   
  
_‘Stupid dream…’_ Kanda thought, as he ran a hand over his face. He turned to glance at the electric clock on the nightstand, and saw it read 3:31AM.  
  
Kanda exhaled. He felt drained and exhausted, but he knew his mind was too rattled to allow him the ability to fall asleep right away. Already Kanda was dreading the day to come – he had to get up early, so at best he would get maybe two more hours of restless sleep.   
  
Knowing there wasn’t much else he could do, Kanda allowed himself to lie back down. He tried to close his eyes, but his heart was still racing as it struggled to calm down. It was hard, though; the dreams always caused his hear to rattle as though it were some tortured creature trapped in a cage, screeching and crying for something indistinguishable.   
  
Wearily, Kanda opened his eyes slightly, and stared up at the ceiling through the darkness. The voices echoed in his head: _“I love you, Yuu.”_  
  
It was a statement that should have been nice, yet it only filled Kanda with a wretched agony each time he heard it. Those words lingered in his head like a ghostly whisper, and his heart ached with a painful yearning each time he heard it.  
  
_‘It’s…just a dream. They’re all only dreams…’_ Kanda tried to tell himself, as he closed his eyes.  
  
They couldn’t have been anything more than dreams. They just couldn’t have been.  
  


* * *

  
  
Kanda was struggling to stay awake as the tour guide talked. He kept losing focus, and had he not been standing Kanda was sure he would have been out cold a good while ago. It didn’t help that what the tour guide was discussing just was not _engaging_ to Kanda; hearing about old pieces of art and architecture simply was not an interest of his.  
  
To his side, his friend Lenalee nudged him gently. Kanda turned, and saw her mouth “Pay attention.”   
  
Kanda huffed, and crossed his arms. “I don’t see why we had to come this early…” He grumbled, before Lenalee gave him another nudge – this time a bit more forceful.   
  
Kanda’s eyes shifted to her in irritation, but he remained quiet.  
  
The tour continued on, but Lenalee lagged in her pace. Once they were out of earshot, she turned to Kanda. “You know, it wouldn’t _kill_ you to at least act like you’re interested,” She said. Despite her lightly admonishing tone, there was a small smile on her face.  
  
“Hn,” Kanda grunted, with a shrug.   
  
“We _are_ going to have to do a paper on this, you know. It’s not like we get school credit for just traveling abroad.”  
  
Kanda looked at Lenalee in mild aggravation, then away. “Shouldn’t they have told us to go to Rome or something then? No one even knows this place exists…”  
  
“That’s what makes it so _interesting_ ,” Lenalee pointed out. “Anyways, Mater isn’t that disappointing. It’s sort of fascinating to hear about how people just abandoned it at one point.”  
  
Kanda shrugged, but didn’t comment. He supposed Lenalee had a point; Mater had an unusual air to it, and had been abandoned up until the early twentieth century.   But even with it now being occupied by people, there was a strange, eerie feeling to the area that Kanda had noticed. He couldn’t quite describe it, but it caused him to feel unsettled. Restless.  
  
_“You remember this place, don’t you?”_  
  
There it was – a ghostly whisper, so soft and so close that Kanda could have sworn there was someone standing beside him. He turned quickly, but no one else was around.  
  
Lenalee looked at Kanda questioningly. “What is it?”  
  
Kanda shook his head. “Nothing,” He answered, though his response felt as though it were more to convince himself than Lenalee.   
  
Lenalee still looked somewhat curious, but didn’t press. “Well, we should probably keep moving. The rest of the group is already a bit ahead of us.”  
  
The change of topic was instantly welcomed, though Kanda hesitated. He glanced around the area they were still in. “You go ahead,” He urged.   
  
When Lenalee raised an eyebrow, Kanda sighed in exasperation. “I want to look around, okay?”   
  
Lenalee crossed her arms, lips press together pensively. “Okay…” She said, sounding a little uncertain. “Just be sure to catch up soon though, alright? We’re supposed to stick together.”  
  
Kanda rolled his eyes. “It’s not like I’m going to get lost or anything...”  
  
A small smile befell Lenalee’s face. “I know,” She said. “But this place is pretty big, so just be careful.”  
  
Lenalee ran to catch up with the tour group after that. As soon as she was gone, Kanda glanced around. They had been trekking through some of the underground chambers the town had, though it was still unclear as to what exactly the chambers had been used _for._ The chambers were so vast and open, with large, thick pillars with diamond-like patterns on them; they looked old and worn, even with restoration attempts.  
  
It was so empty, and dark. The air was musty, and in some instances it felt hard to breathe. Kanda didn’t like it.  
  
_‘I don’t know why we even came here,’_ He thought, a small frown on his face. Hell, Kanda didn’t even know why he’d suddenly told Lenalee he wanted to _look around_. What was there to even look at? Crumbling stone, and piles of dust? Kanda had no idea how he would ever write a paper on this crap, and had he not needed the class credits he wouldn’t have even _bothered_ to go on this trip.  
  
Crossing his arms, Kanda walked over to one of the pillars. He stared at the cracks, which danced throughout the stone intricately-  
  
A chill, startling and shocking, spiked throughout Kanda. He shuddered, the iciness seeping into his core. With it, came an empty feeling.  
  
Empty. Cold. _Desolate_.  
  
These feelings washed over Kanda, so much like a harsh, violent flow of water dousing his whole being in something that could only be described as unbearable. It was terrifying how strongly the sensation came – rapid, and overpowering.   
  
Kanda couldn’t even think clearly anymore; all he could think about were those feelings, and how painful they were.  
  
An image flashed through his mind, and Kanda saw lotuses. Pink, and in full bloom – the flowers he had been dreaming about.  
  
_“Yuu,”_ Another whisper came, soft and familiar. The sound of water rippling danced behind the whisper.  
  
Sharply, Kanda forced himself to turn away from the pillar. He suddenly felt an irrational hatred for it. The patterns. The cracks. Something about the mere sight of it caused his blood to boil, and he couldn’t explain why.  
  
_‘Fuck this,’_ He thought. Kanda was tired; he hadn’t slept well in who knew how long, and he didn’t want to spend his time in some chamber that smelt of dirt and decay. Lenalee would probably get frustrated at Kanda for bailing on the tour group, but Kanda didn’t think he could spend another moment in the godforsaken place. The hotel they were staying at sounded far more appealing, and at least there Kanda could _try_ to get some sleep in.  
  
Before anything could stop him, Kanda started walking. The chambers were vast and the routes were a bit of a mess, but he remembered the way the tour group had come down. Kanda had paid attention to that much at least.  
  
He huffed, and quickened his pace. This whole place was causing Kanda to psyche out for some strange reason, and the sooner he was out of there, the better-  
  
_Click._  
  
Kanda stopped. The noise had pierced through the silence, shattering the ghostly atmosphere of the chamber.  
  
Kanda glanced around; he hadn’t thought there was anyone else down in this area. There was the tour group, of course, but aside from that Kanda hadn’t noticed anyone else looking around. Although Mater had somewhat revived population-wise, it was heavily over-shadowed by the other Italian towns and cities, and didn’t seem to harbor any tourists.  
  
Another _click_ could be heard – Kanda finally recognized the sound as a camera.  
  
Walking a few paces, Kanda paused when he finally spotted the source of the noise. A bit away was a person; someone who looked to be around Kanda’s age, with short, messy hair.   Kanda noticed the tips were dyed a shocking blue, which clashed against the person’s hair starkly.   
  
Kanda stared. At first, he wondered if they had been in the tour group as well – but Kanda didn’t recall seeing this person. Somehow, he was certain that he would’ve have noticed them before.  
  
The person took a second, and re-adjusted the lens on their camera.   They had been kneeling down to focus on one of the pillars, and looked as though they were taking photos of the design of something.   
  
While they were pre-occupied, Kanda found himself struggling to look away. He wasn’t sure _why_ – aside from the weird hair-dye, it wasn’t like this person seem particularly extraordinary. And Kanda had been _adamant_ in his decision to leave only a moment ago, so why was he now delaying?  
  
As the photographer finished re-adjusting their camera lens, they paused, as though they seemed to realize something. Then, almost hesitantly, they turned to where they were looking in Kanda’s direction.  
  
Their eyes met, and everything stopped.  
  
It was strange – Kanda had never _frozen_ that way before. He had never looked into someone’s eyes only to feel his muscles turn to stone, and his will to move crumble. That was the kind of stuff he heard people gush about in books or movies, but never real life. Real life wasn’t actually like that.  
  
Yet, Kanda still couldn’t look away. He happened to noticed the other person had blue eyes that matched the dyed ends of their hair – it caused their irises to stand out, vibrantly and bright.  
  
Finally, the photographer seemed to snap out of whatever daze it was that had locked them both in. “Sorry!” They apologized suddenly. “I swear I wasn’t using flash-“  
  
The abrupt apology helped to snap Kanda back to reality, and he quickly composed himself, deadpanning. “Why the hell are you apologizing to me? I don’t care what you do.”  
  
Upon hearing Kanda’s response, the photographer’s cheeks lightly flushed in embarrassment.  
  
There was a slightly awkward pause after that. The photographer had started to mess with their camera again, avoiding Kanda’s gaze – a possible cue that Kanda could keep moving, and end the interaction there.  
  
Kanda only shifted though, his feet cemented into the ground. He didn’t understand why, but it was as though something in him was causing him to refrain from leaving – a deep, instinctual tug that he couldn’t resist succumbing to.  
  
It was really quite frustrating.  
  
Kanda’s gaze flickered over to the column that the photographer had been taking pictures of. It looked like all of the others: large, cracked, and with faded diamond patterns stretching along it.  
  
Yet it…somehow seemed different. Looking at it _felt_ different.  
  
“Why that one?” Kanda asked suddenly.  
  
The photographer turned, and looked at Kanda in confusion.     
  
Kanda sighed, realizing he had to clarify. “The column. You seem like you’re really focused on it.”  
  
The photographer blinked. “Oh,” They said, before glancing back at the column. They shrugged his shoulders lightly. “I don’t know…I just was drawn to this one I guess…”  
  
There was a somewhat distant edge to the photographer’s tone, as though they were thinking of something. Somewhat absent-mindedly, they continued speaking. “I’ve been having such weird dreams lately, and for some reason this reminds me of them…”  
  
Realizing that they was rambling, the photographer laughed sheepishly. “Ah, sorry! That was more me thinking out loud. Probably sounded weird.”  
  
Kanda paused, his mind reflecting on what the photographer had just said. _‘Dreams…’_  
  
Briefly, all that Kanda had felt earlier returned: emptiness, vacancy, _heartache_. All things he had for whatever reason started to feel just before running into the photographer, as well as things he had felt from those dreams.  
  
_A woman and child, hand in hand. Walking away. Pillars around them with diamond shapes…  
  
_ “Not that weird…” Kanda murmured, though it was more to himself.   
  
The photographer stood up, and looked over at Kanda. There was a small smile on their face, and Kanda noticed there was a strange, small scar across the bridge of their nose.   
  
“Were you with that tour group that was down here not too long ago?” The photographer asked. “Or did you come by yourself too?”  
  
“I was with the group,” Kanda answered. “But I’m leaving. Something about this place just…”  
  
A soft laugh escaped the photographer, which sounded oddly familiar in Kanda’s ears. “Yeah. Mater isn’t really that popular a tourist location. Kind of strange in a lot of ways,” They spoke, their tone rather amiable despite the topic. “I guess I can see why. It makes me feel weird to be down here.”  
  
Kanda frowned. He didn’t say anything further on the matter though, as his attention was caught of the sight of something on the strap of the photographer’s camera bag. It only took Kanda a second to recognize it as a little lotus flower keychain.  
  
“You like lotuses, huh…” Kanda observed, the small frown still on his face.  
  
For whatever reason, their smile brightened at this. “Yeah! I always thought they were cool,” The photographer chattered along. “They grow through the mud and darkness, and reach toward the sun despite their surroundings. Then they fill the world with their sweet fragrance.”  
  
Familiar. The words were _so familiar_ , though Kanda couldn’t recall where he had heard the sentiment before. However, Kanda didn’t have a chance to dwell on the positive imagery this guy was prattling along about. Instead, his mind was plagued with the image of the woman and little boy he had dreamt of, who had sank into the mud, surrounded by lotuses.  
  
Kanda crossed his arms, and averted his gaze. “Only for a bit. Eventually they wilt and sink back into the mud…”  
  
The response appeared to caught the photographer off guard. They glanced back at the column, and looked at it for a moment before speaking. “They do. But then….they come back eventually…” They spoke, words somewhat soft.   
  
Turning back to Kanda, they smiled gently. “Sometimes it just takes them a little while to come back.”  
  
Kanda remained quiet, but the words lingered in his ears. Despite his tendency to brush off something so idealistic, there was a ring to those words that he found strangely comforting. Reassuring, even.  
  
“My name’s Alma.”  
  
Kanda blinked, and looked over at the photographer.  
  
“Alma,” They repeated, a hint of laughter in their voice, light and melodious. “It’s my name – I thought I should tell you it.”  
  
Alma paused, as they eyed Kanda. “I was just wondering…you seem really familiar. We haven’t met before have we?”  
  
Kanda scoffed. “No,” He answered, not sure _where_ he could have ever crossed paths with Alma if ever.   
  
Although….there _was_ something about them that Kanda couldn’t put his finger on. He had no idea what. In his head, he couldn’t help but repeat their name: _Alma._  
  
Alma kicked the ground lightly, as they looked at Kanda with an almost expectant look. When Kanda didn’t speak, they chanced to do so themselves. “So….are you going to tell me your name?” They asked, unable to contain the curiosity in their voice.  
  
Hesitation flickered across Kanda’s features, but he didn’t quite brush off the question. “I go by Kanda,” He said, though there was a slight waver to his response. He always went by Kanda – everyone, even Lenalee, called him it. But it wasn’t his first name.  
  
Uncrossing his arms, Kanda added, “My first name’s Yuu, but no one calls me that really…”  
  
“I like it though,” Alma spoke, eyes bright. “Yuu. It fits you.”  
  
“Hn,” Kanda grunted, not entirely sure if he agreed. He then looked back, eyes mildly curious. “You…came here by yourself?”  
  
“Ah, yeah,” Alma responded. A slightly uncertain looked washed over their features, as they averted his gaze. There was an almost shy look about them as he did this.   
  
“Actually…do you mind if I head back with you?” They asked, before chancing a glance in Kanda’s direction. “You look like you were heading out, and I don’t know. This place has started to freak me out a little I guess…”  
  
Kanda figured his confusion must have shown, because Alma was quick to add on to their inquiry. “I mean, it’s okay if you don’t want to! I just…” They trailed off, looking as though they suddenly had no idea what it was they wanted to articulate.  
  
Kanda paused. Usually, he would have just talked away. Hell, usually Kanda wouldn’t have even lasted _this_ long interacting with someone. But something about Alma seemed to cause Kanda’s usually sound resolve to fracture.  
  
Turning, Kanda shrugged. “I don’t care. You can come if you want,” He mumbled, as he started walking.  
  
Alma’s smile, almost relieved, returned.   They quickly caught up to Kanda. “Great! That’s such a relief – this place can be so fascinating in a way, but it does get creepy, don’t you think?”  
  
Kanda kept his face forward. “You always talk this much?” He asked, a small trace of annoyance in his voice.  
  
“No – I can be quiet too,” Alma responded. “I mean…I don’t think I talk _that_ much…do I?”  
  
There was a beat, then Alma rambled some more. “Er, maybe I do…” They noted, before looking at Kanda apologetically.   “Sorry – I probably should stop talking so much.”  
  
Typically, Kanda would have agreed. He didn’t take well to people who rambled, and often found them aggravating. But for whatever reason, Alma’s chattering seemed oddly bearable in comparison to most people.   
  
Actually…it was sort of nice.  
  
“It’s…fine,” Kanda started, as he glanced in Alma’s direction. His heart jumped a little in his chest when he accidentally caught Alma’s gaze, and Kanda quickly looked away. “You talking. I don’t mind it.”  
  
The response seemed to surprise Alma a little, as their wide blue eyes blinked innocently. Even in the dimly lit chamber, a warm flush could be seen as it danced across their features.  
  
Despite Kanda’s words, Alma fell quiet after that. Kanda didn’t bother to try to keep a conversation going through, as the silence that had fallen between them felt oddly comfortable.  
  
They made their way through the chambers quietly, eventually coming back up to where the entrance was. Outside, it was bright, and the sky a rich and beautiful blue that stretched along endlessly.  
  
Both Kanda and Alma stopped walking at this point. Alma shifted a little; Kanda noticed that they looked as though they wanted to say something, but their gaze was averted.  
  
Oddly enough, Kanda almost felt as something were lingering on the tip of his tongue as well. He didn’t know what.  
  
“So…” Alma finally started, breaking the silence. “I guess you’ll be going on your way now…”  
  
There was something in their voice that Kanda couldn’t quite pin down, but it made him want to flinch. He looked away. “Yeah…I was going to head back to the hotel I was staying at…”  
  
Alma nodded, as they bit the inside of their cheek.   
  
An awkward pause, and Kanda gently kicked a rock on the ground. He still was looking away, but felt his heart speed up, as a thought lingered on his tongue. “We could…I don’t know…hang out again if you want…”  
  
The words spilled out in a mumble, low and nearly incoherent. It felt a bit nauseating to say them, and Kanda couldn’t even say what possessed him to do so; but suddenly the thought of walking away from Alma, and possibly never seeing them again, was unbearable.   
  
Alma turned to look at Kanda swiftly, eyes lighting up. Kanda happened to catch a glance of this, and felt his face burn.   
  
“Really?” Alma asked, as an excitable smile painted their face. “That would be great! I’m going to be here a few more days, and it’d be nice to actually have someone around to do some things with.”  
  
Ears hot, Kanda’s eyes flickered away. He would be in the area a few more days too, and the thought of spending that time with Alma made his heart race even faster.  
  
Alma pulled out a small notebook, and scribbled something down. They then tore out a sheet of paper, and handed it to Kanda. “Here! Call me later? Maybe we can meet up tonight or something.”  
  
Kanda took the paper, and nodded, as he swallowed. “Sure,” He said, still trying to calm his pulse.  
  
Alma’s smile brightened even more as they beamed. “Okay,” They spoke, seemingly unable to contain their excitement. “It’s funny – I don’t know why, but…I’m just really happy I met you down there.”  
  
Alma didn’t wait for Kanda to say anything more, before waving to him as they started off. “I’ll see you soon, Yuu!”  
  
Kanda could only nod as Alma left. When Kanda looked, he blinked – and for a moment, he thought he saw lotuses.  
  
He shook his head; the lotuses weren’t there, and Kanda knew he must have imagined them again. However, one thing he wasn’t imagining was the way he felt; that cold, empty feeling had suddenly disappeared, as though something warm and soothing had managed to fill it. As though something had returned that Kanda hadn’t realized had been lost.  
  
Alma’s smile flittered across Kanda’s mind briefly, and he recalled what Alma had said about lotuses resurfacing, even after they had seemingly died.  
  
For whatever reason, Kanda didn’t hate lotuses as much in that moment. Maybe one day he would even like them. Maybe.

**Author's Note:**

> One day, these two may find each other again. 
> 
> Happy Yulma Week! <3


End file.
